Just about 6 years ago my husband Matt and I made our first visit to Cornell University in Ithaca, NY. As soon as we walked onto campus an overwhelming feeling came over us and we felt God confirming what we already thought to be true: this would be our new home. We spent the next year raising up a support team then began working on campus in the fall of '06. For our first 2 1/2 years on campus we did not have children, so I worked full time along with my husband and had my hand in every area of the ministry. So when we adopted our daughter over Christmas break (a planned adoption with unexpected timing) I didn't have time to prepare for how life would change the upcoming spring semester. My solution: proceed as normal and just bring the baby along. On one hand bringing a newborn everywhere is fairly easy and my plan worked. The girls enjoyed having her in our small group Bible study and she was always the center of attention in our Friday night meetings. But on the other hand, turning on my computer to work every time she took a nap became exhausting. We knew that she'd be mobile by the time the fall semester started making it more challenging to cart her everywhere, plus her 11:00pm bedtime 3 nights a week was beginning to take its toll so we devised a new plan.
The next school year I stopped leading a small group which naturally cut back my 1-on-1s. I went up to campus 1 day a week, and usually 1 other afternoon to meet with students and work on other administrative things I handled for the ministry (finances, event planning, etc.) and continued to go to the Friday night meetings. And it was just before Christmas break this year that we discovered I was pregnant! Once again we knew changes would need to happen the following year. And they did.
Our son was born the same week students returned to campus this past fall (as though the start of the fall semester isn't hectic enough!) and for the entire semester I took a maternity leave.
In less than 2 years I went from full ministry involvement to a semester with hardly any student interaction...that was challenging and caused me to question my purpose quite a lot. Its something I continue to pray through as I realize the way university ministry intersects into my life is going to change from semester to semester, at least for awhile. One of the things that has probably helped me the most is my own validation that my life as a mom is the most important ministry I'll ever be a part of. Discipling my own children comes before I disciple someone else's. At this stage the conversations with my own may be more simple, but they're not less important. And after a long day like today I'm also thinking that talking to students all day rather than entertaining and caring for an infant and toddler may even be easier!
This semester I've been involved with the ministry again. I'm leading a small group Bible study and go up once a week to meet with students. But will it be the same next semester? Based on past experience, probably not, but we'll have to wait and see. I'm getting more comfortable with not knowing exactly what the future holds :)
Great insight! I hope all your female students have an opportunity to read this so they can get some perspective on their own possible futures.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy your writing and your willingness to share your experiences!
It's crazy how life even changes motherhood. One year ago I was working outside the home full time, the primary bread-winner while my husband was a SAHD. Now we've switched roles. I gotta' say, I like this much better. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI can somewhat relate...before Owen was born I worked in the church and even after he was born I continued to do that until we moved back to MO. Then Lucas began his official Chaplain job and I was at home. This last fall I jumped in leading worship for the group and it has been a great thing for me to be involved but the day to day contact isn't there and sometimes that is hard. I'll be praying for you and that you can make the right choices for you, your family and the students.
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